three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
