I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
