The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so much tequila, so little girl.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
