.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
