I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
