you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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