somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
