New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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