im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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