Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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