Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
