i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
