Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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