I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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