Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
