She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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