I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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