in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
