i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
