I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
