Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
