I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
