dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
where am i from again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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