To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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