I bet he comes in French.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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