The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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