We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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