i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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