Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
