ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you had me at cake vodka
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
