I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
