Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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