He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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