Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
