I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
