I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
