he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
