i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
