dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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