i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
