it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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