I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
farters have to be the big spoon...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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