Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
