are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
