I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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