I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found your dick twin last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
