dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
