Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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