I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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