Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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