He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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