dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
