Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
